Really? How does this happen?? One minute the signs of summer are near, and then the next thing you know BAMMMMM it’s time to go dreaded school supply shopping and answering that ever present question “Mom, how many days are there left til school starts?”…. aye yiy yiy…
I’ve got a middle schooler this year too, so the adjustment is going to be brutal at first I’m fearing. I know we all adjust accordingly, but I’m a structure-craver, and getting into a new routine is both bitter and sweet for me. I was just telling someone the other day how much I hate summer and it’s lack of structure. I love it and I hate it. The kids get bored, start making lame choices to use their time, look to me as their clapping monkey, scheduling anything is a joke… But the days are warm. Sunny and warm. And I can pick tomatoes in my bare-feet, navigating through cat crap in my garden… It’s heavenly. Then the soccer season emails start strewing in, and I know that the end is near. I woke up this morning and went out on my deck to check on the chickens and I could feel that little bite in the air. Fall is approaching. And with it, soccer, school, crock potting, shorter days, prettier sunsets, STRUCTURE!! I’ve been on a bikram hiatus this summer, and the hot room is calling me back. So are my yogi friends…. sending me messages and texts…. I’m going to hit it hard when school starts. Or that’s my plan anyways… Slothful summer is almost over! A to the Men!!
This summer hasn’t been the easiest for me. The 3rd week of June, I went off a medication that I’ve been on for the last 2.5 years. It was time… Not sure if any of you have ever gone off a med before, but going off this one was BRUTAL. The first three weeks, all I could do was move from the couch to the bathroom. Showering was over-rated, eating was over-rated, and all I could do was dream of having energy….that is… when I could sleep. I didn’t care about my dirty house. I didn’t care about my greasy hair. I didn’t care if you hit me in the face with a frying pan. It felt like a mac truck had ran over me, backed up, and ran over me again, rinse and repeat. And here I am, 2 months later, and just now getting back to my old self. It’s been no easy feat I tell you, but 100% incredibly worth it. And there’s no way on this earth I’d have been able to do it without God holding me up. Not to mention my husband…. what a keeper. Cooked every stinkin’ meal, ran every single errand, kept this place functioning…. He’s an angel with big wings.. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve such a good man. Of all the bad choices I’ve made in my life, marrying him wasn’t one of them. Period. We just celebrated 12 years of marriage this past weekend. That’s a dozen eggs. That’s a dozen doughnuts. That’s 12 summers, 12 winters, 2 kids, 3 household moves, a lot of time. And I’d do it all over again.
Then…. a couple weeks ago, our dog Loosha, died tragically. It was awful. She was such a good dog. She really was. Now looking back, and envisioning her walking around here, wagging her stub-tail, going on each and every errand with me, do I realize just how much I loved her. Yah sure, she’d get on my nerves, because she was a nervous breed, but if I could take back all the times I called her a “bad dog” I totally would. Even when she chewed up my books. Even when she would eat an entire pizza off the counter. Even when I’d come home to a totally eaten and shredded bagel sleeve wrapper… Even those times, I’d re-live them all again if we could have her back. Grief is a hard thing to deal with when you’re in the thick of it. You go from one emotion to anger to bargaining to rage to regret to tears to heartache back to rage then time has gone by and you begin to feel a little better. I couldn’t eat for a couple days, was hard to sleep at all. We had to get all of her “things” out that first night because staring at her crate and her food bowl was just too stabbing on us. And then when we got it out, I felt guilty… like I was dismissing her. And of course the kids wanted to immediately fill the void with another dog, which is only natural when you’re 7, but there will never be another dog like Loosha. Ever…. The grief counselor told us that whenever we decide to get another dog, it’ll be the right time, and we will be ready. But I try to imagine another dog running around here, and I don’t know if I like the thought or not. Still too soon to cross that bridge. If you’ve ever lost a pet, do yourself a favor and go read the poem “The Rainbow Bridge” ~ author unknown. It has helped us cope with the blow. She was a great dog….. she was our first dog…. and she will always be our dog…
GREAT….. now that I’m crying….. ugh…
We are all doing a lot better, but you know those first few moments, hours, minutes, days after a tragedy happens, and you are just numb? It hit this family hard. But in the same, it has also made us come together as a family. We have all handled it differently. A compassionate side comes out when tragedy strikes. I mean, normally, when Maggie starts whining and crying about something stupid, the last thing I want to do is coddle her. But when I sat there and watched her weep on the couch, and cry and cry over the loss of Lu, I held her. I calmed her down. I let her sob in my arms… I felt her same pain… And as for Eric, I’ve never seen him so sad over anything before. I’ve never seen him cry like that. He’s a tough guy. And to see him cry and wail? That was tough…. It was tough, but it was also good. We all let our feelings out. We all have cried together. And if I were reading this as the dog-hater I used to be (before we had Loosha) I would’ve been laughing…. But it’s not until you let a dog into your life, and into your heart, can you understand the unconditional love a dog really gives. When I was all sick on the couch last month, there was Loosha, at the foot of the couch. She KNEW I wasn’t feeling good. She KNEW she wasn’t going to get a walk, but stuck by me anyways, because that’s what dogs do. You’d so much as say her name in a whisper while she slept, and her stub-tail would start beating the wall. tap tap tap tap tap….. tap tap tap tap tap…. I miss that…. I miss her. Losing her has opened my eyes to many things.
Now that I got that off my chest….
So we went on our first backpacking trip as a family this past weekend. And even tho’ it was totally weird and eerie to not have LuLu with us camping (because that was her very favorite thing in the whole wide world), it was such a great time. When Eric first suggested it, and tackling it on our anniversary and my birthday, immediate dread set in. Seemed daunting. Seemed like a lot of work. Seemed like something that my kids would whine and complain the whole time. And I’m not going to lie, it was work, but it was good work, and so worth it. And we didn’t hike far…. I mean, probably only a total of 10 miles from parking lot back to parking lot, but when you’re carrying a 60 lb pack, it’s tough!! I don’t even want to know what Eric’s pack weighed. Tell you what tho’, packing back to the car is a whole lot easier than packing in. If you plan on going backpacking, raise your hand and offer to carry all the food in yours!! Once it’s gone, you’re home-free!! ;c) It was so fun tho’… we had the lake all to ourselves. We’ve always car-camped. And car-camping is great and all, until you get to sleep in silence while backpacking… I told Eric on the way home yesterday that now we’ve been bit by the backpacking bug, car camping next to other people would just be annoying and we should always shoot to backpack it in ;c) We’ll see about that… We passed some people on the trail with dogs…. We’ve got to get another dog….
So the kids just woke up…. 9am…. they must’ve enjoyed their very own beds… I know I did. On the to-do list today is dreaded school supplies and possible clothes shopping. I don’t know how it’s possible, but all the clothes that fit them in May/June, don’t anymore. I don’t know how that happens. I have a phobia of putting laundry away in drawers. At the top of my staircase right now, you’ll find (I think)(and this is just an estimate) 8, yes EIGHT, full laundry bins full of folded, clean clothes. I have no problem getting the laundry done .. or folded… but putting it all away just seems redundant. I mean, they are just going to end up hanging out of the drawers anyways, or strewn all over the floor in their rooms. In fact, I’m so bad at putting clothes away that sometimes I’ll rifle through their drawers, and even my own, and forget I even have clothes that I’ve bought. Pulling out a shirt or a pair of shorts saying “Ohhh yeahhhh, I forgot I even had these!!”… stupid. Time to purge I guess. Time for change… Shifting seasons… shifting gears….shifting into structure.. me likey!!
As for business news…. summer is a slow time for me. I like it that way. I get to take a break. Orders have been consistent over the last couple of months, and turn around has been a little slower because I’ve taken my time. But I’m gearing up for the Fall and the holidays already. Keeps me on my toes. Keeps me in my groove. Keeps me focused. Keeps my priorities in order. The thing I try to tell people, when it comes to working silver, is that I’ve got to be in the mood to do it. And my workshop is in my basement. There’s a couple windows down there, don’t get me wrong,.. it’s not like I’m in some damp, dark, dreary, cold, drippy-pipe, moldy space… My workshop is in a perfect space. But when the sun is shining in summer, it takes a lot more mental willpower to force myself down there and get into my groove. I’d rather be out in the sun…. doing other things. That’s not to say I don’t get my orders filled, I do… But I almost have to do a Clark Griswold motel pool scene “this is crazy this is crazy this is crazy” before I head below to tackle work. ;c) In fact, one of the “retailers” who were carrying my stuff recently sent me a letter saying they no longer wish to do business with me because of a slew of reasons. Listing each reason out, in a stupid proper letter format…. one of the reasons being that I didn’t honor all three co-owners. Only one. I mean, only one ever sent me any correspondence ever, so that’s who I assumed was in charge of comms…. but I think it went something like this “And it feels like a slap in the face, Erica (spelled my name wrong), that you neglect to honor all three of us as owners of this company when you send invoices”….. Oh… I’m sorry…. really?? And another one was “You haven’t handled our inquiries with professionalism, and have not treated us or our customers with respect”… Oh… I’m sorry again… I don’t even have anything to do with their customers… but whatever. And I’m the farthest thing from an ass-kisser that you’ll ever meet. I think someone might have some “pride” issues…. but that’s between them and God. I’m happy with my business. I’m happy with the way I run my business. I happy with the abundance God has given me with my business….. I am a human being, with two hands and two arms and two eyes… one heart… one brain…one soul. I’m not super human, nor do I claim to be. Them kicking me to the curb is a blessing… God is cleaning the dirty off my plate!!! Ask and you shall receive right?? In one way or another, He always does!!! Always….